Wanted: Personal Social Networking Assistant

(This is something I wrote back in December of 2007 while I was the COO of Indigio)

I recently wrote a new blog post (elsewhere and I will never tell where) where I discussed my need to be able to have messages that I don’t really want filtered out. The problem with this idea is that what I want depends on time of day, how busy I am and what mood I am in. Between email, Twitter, LinkedIn, Facebook, Plaxo, instant messaging, text messaging and (probably sometime in the near future) Orkut, I simply get too many messages. I also feel pressure to keep my information up to date on all these social media platforms. It is very similar to the pressure I feel around Christmas to actually devote enough time to Christmas shopping. What I need is one of those personal shopping assistants. Hey, hold on. Think this through. What I really need is a personal social networking assistant.

Duties: Assistant would be responsible for reading all incoming messages and only filtering through the ones I actually care about. A proven track record of clairvoyance is essential. Assistant would also keep all my personal and professional information updated on all social networking applications. This includes updates that:

• make me sound more interesting than I really am
• make me sound funnier than I really am
• make me seems interested in what others are doing even if I’m not
• give people a true insight into who I want them to believe I am

In addition, assistant needs to be available 24/7 as messages tend to come in at the strangest times. It is also an advantage if you own a pet. I don’t and I feel inadequate because I never write about my pet that I don’t own on social tools like Twitter. You would need to write about your pet as if it were my pet. And you should come prepared with really intelligent quotes to make me sound witty and you must be comfortable with cursing occasionally for emphasis. As I don’t believe this will actually equate to a full-time job, I would also like you to do my Christmas shopping.

To apply, please call (because I have too many online messages) 555-COOL and ask for COO Langley.

TV’s on my exercise equipment? Forget that, I want a browser!

I just don’t have enough time to get everything done in a typical day.  And the thing that suffers the most is my workouts.  By the time I do my job and respond to all my emails and check out my social networking platforms and read all the blogs I am interested in and send out my twitters and write the occasional blog entry and attend to my personal commitments (aka kids) and, well, you get the idea.  The point is that I find it hard to find time to actually workout. 

When I do workout, I typically work out at home in front of the TV.  I have an elliptical machine, spinning bike and weight bench.  Last week I went into a new gym for the first time and they had TV’s on the workout equipment like the elliptical machines and treadmills.  I thought “great, TV!”  But I found myself cutting my workout short to get back to all my other “higher” priority stuff.  You know the stuff I didn’t get done.  Now some would tell me to change my priorities.  We all know that is easier said than done.  Then I had an idea.

Forget the TV on the workout equipment.  I want a browser, keyboard and mouse that is easy to use while on a particular workout machine.  This could be easily done for the Elliptical machine or Treadmill.  The keyboard and mouse could be built into the machine in locations where you might typically rest your hands.  I can hear the purest now saying that you should be resting your hands on these machines.  You get a better core workout when you don’t.  Okay, purest.  Don’t rest your hands but I have work to do so I am going to.  This would work for spinning bikes as well.  With full fledged browsers on the exercise equipment, I could kill two birds with one stone.  I could check my email and do all my social networking platforms.  I would definitely choose to do this over TV during a workout. 

My guess is that this is probably already being developed or has been developed but if not, I thought of it first!  Not really.  I don’t care who takes the idea and runs with it.  I just want someone to develop a browser, keyboard and mouse into the exercise equipment that allows me to still get a good workout but also allows me to do all my browser activities.  You won’t only be helping me.  This could go a long way towards helping the obesity crisis we have in this country.

Why Would I Lie About A Thing Like That?

I was recently updating my LinkedIn account.  While doing this I came across the name of an employee that worked for me 6 to 7 years ago.  Young kid that I like a lot.  He had tons of potential.  So I sent him the message to have him join my network.  Pretty straight forward.  Then I noticed he had listed himself as a VP at the company we worked at.  Unbelievable.  Maybe I am too honest but it just blew me away that he would lie.

My MILF List

Yes, its true.  I have a MILF list.  You may have strong opinions about whether you feel this is an appropriate topic but at the end of the day I don’t really care.  It is my list and I cherish it.  I think about it all the time.  It is a list that has developed over time and I like to prioritize it daily as the priorities do change from day to day.  I hope to add to it over time but for now it meets my needs.  Before I divulge the list, I feel I should explain how I developed it.

I find myself daily being drawn into the the social aspects of the web.  I now have accounts for LinkedIn, Plaxo, Facebook and Orkut.  As you can see, this is my first post on my shinny new blog.   All of this social networking stuff is so addictive.  Especially Twitter.  Yes, I am addicted to Twitter and now have a love hate relationship with it.  It is a weird dynamic.  I find myself constantly checking for new Tweets.  Yet I get angry because some people Tweet too much and tell me things I don’t really care all that much about.

This got me thinking.  I wish their was a filter for Twitter that would only show things I care about.  What a great program that would be.  A Twitter filter.  I would give it a cool name like Twilfer.  Or better yet, I could shorten the name to TWILF (TWeets I’d Like to Filter).  Then it dawned on me that there are other messages I would like to filter out of Facebook, LinkedIn,  email and all my social networking tools.  So I expanded the idea to Messages I’d Like to Filter.

So here is my MILF list:

1.  Anything you think is cute and funny that you wrote when you were bored.  I mean you were bored.  Trust me, it comes through in the message.

2.  Anything about your pets.  I don’t like animals and I really don’t care about yours.

3.  Anything about politics, religion or life.  Or TV shows you like or movies you like or food you like…you get the idea.

4.  Anything that does not directly benefit me in some way.  Let’s just agree that it is all about me.

5.  Any and all SPAM.  Even if the SPAM were to benefit me I don’t want it.  I mean we really need to take a stand against SPAM. 

6.  Really anything I am not in the mood for at that moment.  Meaning, not now but maybe later.  Then again, maybe not.

I can’t wait till tomorrow to re-prioritize my MILF list.